My biggest issue is self control. Having sweets – especially chocolate cakes, cookies and candy bars – in the house is extremely dangerous for me. For some people eating one or two is enough and they can walk away for a day, or a week, or a month and not think anything of it. If I know it’s there I can’t help but eat more. There are days I’ll get it stuck in my head that I want, even NEED, a piece of chocolate cake. It becomes an obsession until I get one. . . or two. . . or three.
In the past few years I’ve noticed that this is my pattern with a lot of things, not just food. When I come across an idea that intrigues me, makes me think, excites me I research and read about it to the point of exhaustion – of myself and others around me. Honestly, this is one of the reasons I started blogging and have done my darnedest to stick with it. My husband one day said, “Wonder when this obsession is going to fizzle out and you’ll be on to the next one.” It kinda ticked me off. The “obsession” he was talking about could not be fed or pursued beyond where I had taken it because I didn’t have the money to pursue it anymore. There are a lot of things like that for me. If he’s not willing to help out and I don’t have a source of income then all I’m left with is a lot of knowledge in the coffers waiting for a windfall which allows me to continue.
Glad I don’t have a windfall available to satiate all my food cravings. At only 5’1″ I’ll end up looking like a bowling ball before too long. Being fat is not where I want to be, but I have a hard time overcoming disappointment, lack of progress and hunger. When I hit a road block that doesn’t seem to move I tend to dive headlong into the first fudge covered brownie sundae I can find. It was actually quite encouraging, even wonderful, when I worked out with Revolt Now Fitness. My reputation was on the line and it felt like they needed me. Now that they don’t care if I work out or not I find it extremely difficult to get motivated.
Though this started as a post about our relationship with food I’m seeing that our overall habits, personality and emotional needs are all tied into how we view ourselves, our food and our relationships with others. We are such complex creatures.
Now who wants cake?
This bloggers life was ruined by losing 60 kg. Do you think you would fare as badly? Or would you be happy with your progress?
“She pictured the rest of her life in this diet prison and began to see ‘the sadness, the isolation, the dullness of color palette’ of her new life. She calls it ‘the heaviness of being.’
Even Mitchell’s new body had to adapt. She had surgery to remove rolls of excess skin from her stomach.
“‘It has taken me a long time to accept that it will always be marked and scarred. They are the scars of my past, and I will always have a little insecurity,’ she says.
“Mitchell had never been a depressive person before – the food was a numbing agent against those feelings. Now, despite losing the weight, she was sadder than she had ever been before.”